Why Don't Things Ever Go My Way?
by ThunderClouds7
Summary: This story doesn't really have a plot, it's just a bunch of short stories where a character wants to do something but everything that can get in the way does.
1. Chapter 1 Max No Nap

**Me: I'm back! In this super duper fanfic I probably won't have any OC's. It's not gonna be all actiony, more humor. It takes place just before Total and Akila's wedding. Here we go!**

Max's POV

Something cold, wet and annoying nudged my cheek, "Go away," I mumbled as I rolled over. It nudged the back of my head, I waved my hand back and whacked something warm and fuzzy. Total yelped.

"Come on Max! I need you to get up and make me breakfast!"

"Make Iggy do it," I grumbled. I pulled a pillow over my face.

"He's busy with one of his bombs."

"Make Fang."

"He's busy too."

"Nudge."

"Busy."

"Angel."

"She's with Nudge."

"Gazzy."

"He's with Iggy."

"Dylan?"

"He disappeared."

"Go buy Fang."

"But he'll kick me!"

"What makes you think I won't?"

Silence, then the tiny click of paws leaving me in peace. Finally I could get back to my nap.

Five minutes later…

"Maxmaxmax! Wake up! The kitchen's on fire!" Gazzy's voice pulled me out of my nice, peaceful dream and I sat up blearily.

"Wha'?"

"The kitchen is on fire!"

"What did you do!"

"Bomb malfunctioned," Iggy explained from the kitchen, he was throwing the buckets of water Nudge and Angel were handing him. I got to my feet, grumbling. But, of course, by the time I got there the fire was out.

I glared at Iggy – he didn't notice – and then at Gazzy – he looked down at his feet – then stumped back to my couch. "I have a headache, don't interrupt me." Finally.

10 minutes later…

"Max, Max! We're-"

"What!" I screamed, my eyes snapping open to glare at Nudge.

"We're being attacked."

"By who?" I groaned, my head was pounding.

"Erasers."

"Nerg." I moaned as I pushed myself up off the couch. Banging sounds came from the kitchen and outside, "Alright, let's go." I wandered into the room and slammed the first Eraser I saw against the wall. Then I threw him out the window. The next Eraser I saw I grabbed by his collar, took outside and pitched into the canyon. I saw Fang take down two Erasers simultaneously and Dylan accomplish the same. And then there were none. Erasers I mean.

I landed back in the kitchen and turned to look at my flock. "Alright listen up everybody. I'm going to finish my nap. None of you are to wake me up unless the house is about to explode or we're being kidnapped or I will literally bite your head off. Got it?"

They all nodded solemly.

"Good." Maybe now I could actually sleep and get rid of the headache that was pounding my brains into mush. I flopped down on the couch and piled, like, ten pillows on my face. Finally…

Two minutes later…

"Max, people are trying to capture us!"

"I don't care," I screamed, "Leave me alone!"

"But…"

"Shut up!" I shrieked.

Gazzy did. There was a bunch of clanging and such but eventually the flock drove the attackers out and I was left to my nap. Hooray.

Thirty minutes later…

"Max it's time for dinner," Fang said, gently shaking me awake. I didn't bite his head off, I mean, this is _Fang _we're talking about, my freaking soulmate.

I rolled off the couch and thudded onto the floor. "Eeh, let's go eat," I grumbled.


	2. Chapter 2 No Time for Fax Time

Fang's POV

**Me: Wait! Forgot disclaimer! Max Ride=James Patterson. There we go. All better.**

"Hey Max, wanna go for a flight?" I asked, rubbing her head.

"Hell yeah," she answered, "Let's go."

"Max!" Gazzy yelled, skidding to a halt in front of us, "Nudge won't give me my detonator back!"

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"Yes! Me and Iggy are working on something big!"

"If big means 'huge explosion' Nudge, keep his detonator. Come on Fang, let's go."

I nodded in agreement and we moved around Gazzy. He looked like he was about to say more but a raised eyebrow silenced him. "He should have realized by now that we're not gonna help him get his detonator back."

Max nodded, "Yep, he really should."

Angel ran into the room and tugged on my sleeve, she looked up at me with her Bambi eyes, "Fang, can you help me with something?"

I glanced at Max who shrugged as if to say "How long can it take?"

"Okay Angel, whaddaya need?"

Angel's eyes glinted and I could tell that she had some super evil plan in mind that would keep Max and me from having some time too ourselves. "I need one more person for a tea party I'm having."

Oh no...

Max snorted slightly and shoved me forward, "Go on Fang, the tea is getting cold." I shot her a 'you're not going to help me out?' look and she shrugged. Angel grabbed my hand and pulled me down the corridor to her room.

"Celeste and Total are gonna be there as well as Iggy and Gazzy and Nudge. Iggy made a cake and the tea as well as some little mini pastries. This is gonna be great!"

"Why didn't you invite Max if the rest of the flock was gonna be there?"

"I only needed one more person."

Now I knew that it _was_some plan she cooked up to keep Max and me from each other. We entered her room and everybody was already seated. The food did look delicious, Iggy had really out done himself for some reason. Gazzy was bouncing impatiently and Nudge whacked him each time he reached for something to eat. Total had his paws up on the table and his tail was wagging eagerly. "Sit," Angel ordered, she gestured at the empty seat next to Iggy. I sat. Angel poured the tea into the dainty little cups that I had no idea that she had and we each took a pastry.

"How'd she get you to do all this?" I asked Iggy quietly.

"I was bored," he answered, "I needed something to do. How'd you get roped in?"

"Bambi eyes mainly."

"Yeah, those'll get ya."

"You may now begin eating!" Angel announced. Gazzy pounced on his plate like some kind of savage and earned himself another whack from Nudge.

"Use you manners," she told him sternly, "We're at a tea party, not in a cave."

Gazzy sighed and proceeded to eat in overly-exaggerated fancy way, taking minuscule bits and wiping his mouth after each one. Total lapped from his tea cup noisily.

"Did you make the tea too?" I asked.

"Yup," Iggy answered, "It's not just some plain old bag tea, I went out and got some dry tea leaves."

"Well it's good." I'm not a tea guy, I'm more a coffee person.

"Thanks."

The tea party took a half an hour to complete. When we had all said our faked formal good-byes I scampered from the room as quickly as I could to keep from being forced to do something else. When I found Max Dylan was with her and trying to get her to do something. She was shaking her head 'no' quite adamantly. "Hey," I said, speeding up my walk, "She said no, man."

"Sorry," Dylan said, raising his hands in the air, "Sorry," he turned back to Max, "Think about it, okay?"

"I won't," she said.

He sighed and walked away.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"Nothing. How was your tea party?"

"It was... interesting. Iggy made some good refreshments."

"When doesn't he?"

"Shall we head out?"

"Yes, yes we shall."

"Disaster in the kitchen!" Gazzy yelled suddenly, "Oh no! The sink is overflowing! The dishwasher is broken! Help!"

"What the crap?" Max shouted as she ran into the kitchen, "What are you guys doing?"

"Trying to clean up," Angel said sweetly, "Something went wrong." Yeah, probably something engineered by you.

"I thought you were watching them," Max accused Iggy.

"Ahem."

"Right, well, making sure disasters don't happen."

I followed Max into the kitchen, it was a disaster, the sink was flowing on top speed and the floor was covered with water about two inches deep and rising. The dishwasher was rumbling and shaking violently. I kicked the washer hard and it shuddered to a stop then I slammed the handle home on the sink, it took some muscle but I managed it. "There, oh my god."

"Thanks Fang," Angel said.

Max's mom walked into the kitchen, she looked at the destruction but didn't comment, I guess she was used to it, "It's dinner time."

Oh come on.


	3. Chapter 3 Give me chocolate!

Iggy's POV

"Gazzy wake up!" I bellowed as I shoved him out of bed, "We're making a cake to today and you're going to be my helper!"

"What?" he asked blearily.

"WAKE UP!"

"Why now? Why not in fifteen minutes?"

I sighed and went to attempt to grab a bucket of water. I knew where the buckets were and I knew where the sink was in relationship to the bucket so the only problem was making sure the bucket didn't overflow. I managed though. Then I dumped the frigid water on Gazzy's head. He shrieked as he bolted upright. "What the crap? What was that for?"

"To wake you up, now come on! I need you to read the labels!"

"What time is it?"

"I donno, about seven."

Gazzy grumbled but he got up and I handed him a shopping list that I had made Fang write out for me last night. "I take it we're making your famous 'chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate' cake?"

"Yes, yes we are. First place we're going to is Walmart."

"Don't we have some of the stuff here?"

"I don't know and I don't care, we're doing this my way."

"Whatever Iggy."

We headed down to the bus stop. "Um... Iggy?"

"Yeah?"

"It says 'not in service'."

"WHAT!"

Oh come on, how else were we supposed to get to the store? Max's mom wasn't in the premises - wait, wings, the good old fashioned travel. "No matter," I said, "We'll fly there!"

"But won't people see us?"

"Who gives a shit? They already know about us."

We snapped out our wings and took off. "Oh, Gazzy? Don't let me run into a bird or a telephone wire, I will kill you."

"Got it," Gazzy said. "We aren't that far from a Walmart, it shouldn't take us too long, and it's early, not many people are out. Speaking of early, why couldn't this have waited for later?"

"Don't know," I answered, "Tell me where to go."

"Start descending."

I shifted my weight downwards and we landed behind a tree. "It had better be open," I grumbled.

"It opens in an hour," Gazzy said.

I resisted the urge to scream. **(A/N I don't actually know when Walmart opens, that was a guesstimation. Please don't kill me if I'm wrong.) **We sat down on the curb to wait, I was seriously tempted to break in but Max would kill me even if I wasn't caught.

One hour later I heard some dude open the door and Gazzy and I leapt to our feet. We darted inside before anybody could stop us. "What's the first thing we need?" I asked him.

"Chocolate flour."

"Alright, lead me to the baking section."

"Where's that?"

"How should I know? Read the signs."

It took awhile but he managed to get us where we wanted to go. "Now, go find chocolate flour."

"Does that even exist?"

"Sure it does, I've used it before."

"Okay then," Gazzy's sounded skeptical. "I found the flour! Let's see... white flour, more white flour, a different brand of white flour. There's no chocolate flour, Iggy."

"It's gotta be there! Look again."

I waited impatiently as Gazzy did. "Nope."

"Murph. Come on, we're gonna go find somebody to complain to."

Gazzy found me a customer service place, I slapped my hands down on the desk, "Alright, listen here. You guys don't have something in stock. You're supposed to have _everything_. So where is my chocolate flour!"

There was silence. "Excuse me? Hello?"

"I'm sorry," came the uncertain voice of the customer service agent, "There's no such thing as chocolate flour. And we don't carry everything, the manager of this store is allergic to chocolate, he refuses to carry anything that has anything to do with chocolate."

**(A/N Yes, I know that's unreasonable. I don't care.)**

I felt like I was about to melt, "What the hell? That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard! What if a person needs chocolate for something? What then?"

"They go to a different store," the person said pleasantly.

"That's bullshit," I grumbled, "Where's this manager guy? I demand to speak with him!"

"Okay then, give me a second."

Gazzy yanked on my sleeve, "Iggy what are you doing?"

"Complaining, what's it look like?"

"You don't need to go that far, let's just go to a different store."

"It's not fair that a store should not sell something just 'cause their manager is allergic to it. They have to think about the general public first. Who gives a damn about the manager? He's not going to have an allergic reaction just by breathing near some packaged chocolate! This needs to be put right!"

"Whatever Iggy, I'm gonna go wait outside."

"Fine then, don't support me."

I heard him leave and someone new coming up, "May help you?" the manager said.

**Me: I am going to post-pone the rest of this chapter till next time, it was gonna be really long anyways, and my breakfast is ready.**


	4. Chapter 4 Give me chocolate, part deux

Iggy's POV

"May I help you?" the manager guy said.

I took a deep breath, "Yes, I do believe you may. I have a complaint I would like to file."

"Alright, what is it?" he sounded bored.

"Why the hell don't you sell chocolate?" I exploded, "Your prioity is the customer's needs not your own goddamn allergies! Your not going to break out just 'cause you stood near some _wrapped_ chocolate!"

Even though I couldn't see him I could tell he was glaring at me, "That is the store's desicion, not yours."

"How'd your higher-ups agree to it? Wal-mart's supposed to carry _everything!_ Not everything that_ they _want to!"

"Sir, you're going to half to calm down or I _will_ call security on you."

"Forget it," I huffed, "I'm going to boycott Wal-mart, I'm not gonna buy another thing here." I stormed off, but I ran into one of the cemet supports they have throughout the store, "Ow. "You coulda warned me you know."

"I thought you saw it."

"I'm _blind_, idiot."

"Well sor-rey," he said sarcastically.

"I should sue you," I muttered. I felt a hand on my arm.

"Come on, Iggy," Gazzy said quietly, "Let's go."

"I should sue them," I told him, "I should."

"Yeah, like that'll work. Come on, let's just go somewhere else."

"What time is it?"

"Seven thirty."

"Nah, let's do it tomorrow."

"Why?"

"'Cause I wanted to bake it in the dark."

"Iggy, you're blind, you're _always_ baking in the dark."

"Fine, I wanted to make it for a surprise breakfast, but now it's too late and everybody's up." The flock wakes pretty early.

"Can we do it tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Yes! Chocolate cake for breakfast!

**Me: I know I could've fitted this in with the first part but I had to go eat breakfast.**


	5. Chapter 5 Max, can I

Dylan's POV

"Hey Max, can I talk to you?"

Then Fang came into the room, "Max, can I talk to you?"

"Sure Fang," Max smiled warmly at him and followed him out of the room.

Goddammit. He always got in the way. Shouldn't I get a turn to talk to Max? I've been waiting. And I was _meant_ for her. Me, not him. I followed them from the room so that I could spring another trap on Max to talk her. I couldn't hear their words but I knew it couldn't be good, for me. Five minutes later Max came out and I followed after her. "Can I talk to you now, Max?"

"Sorry, I have to go to the grocery store."

"I'll come with."

"No, its fine. You can stay here." She was out the door and in the air before I could say any more. Goddammit again.

When she got back I was sitting moodily outside, waiting for her. "Anything else you need to do, or can I talk to you now?"

"I have to put the groceries away."

"I'll help."

"No, you don't know how we like them put away."

It was as if she was _trying_ to avoide me! I wandered back outside to sit on the wall again. When Max came back out I got up to talk to her. "Max. I really need to talk to you."

Gazzy came out, "Max, me and Iggy need you to go into town for us."

"Why can't you do it?"

"We're busy but we really need this."

"Fine. What is it?"

When Gazzy was finally done talking to her she took off, I shot him a dirty look. "What?"

"Nothing." I shook my head and walked away. Screw it.

**Me: Can you tell that I don't like Dylan?**

**Samik: Yup. Very much.**

**Me: While I'm writing this I'm sitting in a blue swivel chair in Hilton Head, South Carolina right next to the beach while watching Castle. It's pretty sweet. I get to play in the ocean all day and then just lounge around. It. Is. The. Life. Well, see you later.**

**Samik: Good bye.**

**R&R?:**


	6. Chapter 6 Angel or Max for leader?

**Me: Hmmdidlyhmhm. Who shall this chapter be about?**

**Samik: Me!**

**Me: Shut up, Samik. This is purely a Maximum Ride fanfiction. No OC's allowed, at least not as main characters.**

**Samik: Foo.**

**Me: Oh quit whinning. **

**Samik: Hey, do I get to be in you E.Z.H.F. story?**

**Me: Possibly but this is not the time and place to discuss it seeing as this is a _Maximum Ride _fanfiction and not a Zombie Survival Guide one.**

**Samik: Can we talk about it when you go to update that one?**

**Me: Yes, now _shut up_!**

Angel's POV

"Max, can I be the leader?"

"Angel, how many time do we have to talk about this? I said no!"

"But I would make such a great leader! I can tell what everybody's thinking so I can know what they're unhappy about and fix it. I can know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. I can-"

"You can also force thoughts into people's heads and make them do whatever you want, that is the reason why you will not be leader while I am still alive and kicking, and after I'm dead as well. End of discussion."

I glared at Max as she turned and walked away. I would make _such_ a better leader than her, I would just have to make her _see_ it. I wandered outside and found Iggy and Gazzy hunched over some new bomb on the picnic table. "Hey guys, I have a question."

"If it's about you being leader," Iggy said as he stuck another wire in it's socket, "The answers no, Angel."

"That isn't my question."

"Is it anything along those lines?"

"No."

"Then shoot."

"Who do you think would make a better leader, me or Max."

Iggy's hands paused in their work, "Angel! What kind of stupid question is that? Max of course! And, for the record, that question kind of fits in with the theme of you being leader."

Gazzy didn't even look at me as he said, "Max all the way."

My own brother!

I stomped back into the house to find Fang... in the company of Max's so I turned around and stumped back in the other direction. Nudge was in the kitchen, making a sandwich. "Nudge," I said, trying to go for the cute and cuddly look, "Do you think I would make a better leader than Max?"

Nudge sighed, "Angel, when you were leader it was fun and all but its just not the same as Max being leader, she's the one who keeps us all in line and moving forward. Sorry." She walked out of the kitchen, humming to herself.

I harrumphed and glared at the open jar of peanut butter Nudge had left, "You could at least put your lunch stuff away!"

"Whatever," I heard.

Total would agree with me, Total _always_ agrees with me. I found him splayed out on the couch. "Total, you love me, right?"

"Sure, Angel, sure."

"And you agree with everything I say, right?"

"Sure, Angel, sure."

"Then you think that I would make a better leader than Max, right?"

"Sure, Angel, sure."

"Are you even listening to me!"

"Sure, Angel, sure."

I chucked a pillow at his head. He jumped, "What?"

"Do you think I would make a better leader than Max!"

"I am Switzerland in this situation. You feed me but Max let's me stay here. I would rather not have any affilation with either party."

I sniffed back tears, "So you don't really love me?"

"Angel... that's not it."

"Whatever, I guess I'll give up trying to be leader," momentarily.

He licked my leg, "Good girl, now come read this magazine with me. I smiled and sat down.


End file.
